Evaluation

I must say, the worst part of work evaluations is the you have to hear what your boss really thinks of you. Next, you are utterly confused about half of what they say. The only plus side about it would be laughing and venting about it later...if only they knew.

These are the comments that stuck out to me so I thought I would share:

I have an average appearance.

- I will not disagree with this statement. I truly do, and there is no helping that. Whether I shower or not, unfortunately my face and hair will remain the same. Although, I'm not sure if it's a curly haired people thing, but I can't wash my hair everyday or else it will get greasy. Oddly enough, I believe most people have the opposite effect with their pelo. However unbecoming it may make me seem, some people do enjoy my greased up monkey look. Here are a couple examples I have from working front desk: 1) I saw a man through the window standing approximately twenty-five to thirty feet from the motel doorway jamming out to music. He was smiling and talking to himself(probably singing). I look at him and he gets the biggest grin on his face. I then smile because I don't know what else to do with myself. He waves, so of course I reciprocate the action. Two minutes later I look and he is heading my way, the grin on his face not fading one bit. I start to freak out on the inside. My coworker just laughs and stands there taking it all in. Once he steps through the door he comes over to my desk area, leans over, and says, "Girl I just have to tell you, you have a beautiful smile! What are you? You gotta be mixed or somethin! What are you?!" I am practically to the point of passing out I am so embarrassed. I let him know that I was Polish and German. His response, "That's that German in you. Man just beautiful. And those eyes...I just had to come over and let you know. Where you from?" I let him know that I was from Minnesota and politely asked him where he was from. Quickly, he says, "Georgia. You ever been to Georgia?" I shook my head no. "You come to Georgia and I'll make you some finger-lickin barbeque." I laughed. I didn't know what else to do. Next he looks at my coworker and shrugs, "You have some pretty eyes too darlin." Nervously she responds with a smile, "No, no I do not." He turns back to me shaking his head with that ginormous grin on his face again saying, "Just beautiful. I had to come over and let you know. You have a nice day now!" Then off he went. 2) Just recently, I was helping an elderly man and his wife. They were in their 70s I believe. After I get done checking them in the wife walks away. As she is walking away her husband puts his hands on mine and leans over the counter. She looks back smiling at her husband as he tells me, "I just had to tell you, you are so beautiful! Now I don't mean to offend you..." I interrupt him with a huge complimentary smile, "No I'm not offended at all! Thank you so much. You just made my day." Again he says, "I just had to let you know." He has the biggest grin on his face as him and his wife leave. I can hardly explain in words how cute that was.
I need to be more outgoing and create more of a drive for myself to do better. I should think more about doing things without being asked to do them. Tasks such as taking out the garbage, or cleaning the windows.

- I felt like my father was sitting down in front of me with a mug of Miller Lite in hand; throwing out the you need to be thinking about your future speech. It's not that I don't have a drive for what I do. I really enjoy my job...most days. I think everyone has those days though. It is purely that I am ready to get the F out of here! There has been so much drama and I have a hard time handling that. It's just not what I am all about. I guess you could say I have had my limit of Medora; met my Medora quota.
- Newsflash; I am one of the few people who refills the Medora guides, repositions the chairs, picks things up off the floor, and vacuums when I see it is neccesary. I have also cleaned the windows. Thank you very much.

I know I shouldn't dwell on my evaluation. This is the last I shall speak of it unless asked. I give up and give in. Some bosses...make you want to punch them in the face...Don't worry, he is aware.

He is a great person...most times. I shouldn't complain because I could have a boss who is legitimately terrible. I accept this.

A Little Light In My Day

You know those days when someone says something and you force yourself to let it go in one ear and out the other because otherwise you will have no other option but to drop kick them in the face...well today was one of those days. Yesterday was one of those days. This past week has been been full of those days. I do not know why, but bitter has been my middle name lately. I have zero patience for nonsense and there has been a lot of it going around. Too much in fact.

I realize that I may be a bit harsh but it is practically well deserved. Do not get me wrong, I enjoy my jobs. I like mixing things up a bit working between the two. I get crazy people coming in and out and the motel as well as on the phone, so there is truly no way to escape that. This I understand. However, I would really appreciate it if those crazies would refrain from asking redendant and silly questions. I feel like this would help me get back into my groove. I do not enjoy being a prune. Please and Thank you!

Yesterday there was a spark in my mood. My parents, who tend to flake out on occasion, informed me that they may be up for a visit. I cannot tell you how stoked I was from even the possibility of this happening. Then today I received an email from my mother confirming that their vacation days were approved.

Reservation...check! The 18th could not come any sooner. My one concern is that my work schedule may not coincide with their arrival. I will make this work. There is no other option.

An Apple A Day

I must say, I'm not sure that I believe that whole "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" mumbo jumbo, even though there are probably a few statistics out there that try to prove it true. My motto is and has always been, "I'd rather die happy than have to eat without pleasure." Not that I don't enjoy the occasional apple, because I do. I would just rather eat what I want to eat; not eat what I should and then complain and be bitter about it for the rest of my life.

As you know, I am still in Medora. I have been having bodily issues as of late and I figured that it was about time I get them checked out. I would go into details, but it's girl stuff...usually that's on a need-to-know basis. Trust me, you do not need to know nor do you want to. Your welcome~I'm sparing you the details. I ended up going in for one shot and coming out having undergone blood work and a pelvic ultrasound scheduled for the next day. $500+ later I am completely fine. I must say that makes me a little more uneasy than before I had the results. I'm just not sure what is going on, and neither do the medical professionals.

Hopefully when I am back in my nice warm bed I will be fully functional and not feel so...dysfunctional. 24 more days! At least this time I will not be alone. I have a wonderful friend riding back with me. Thank goodness, because even I get bored with myself after 8 and 1/2 hours.

I feel that one knows it's time to leave when they have countdowns on their phone, iPOD, and Google calendar. That may sound sad, but I am ready. It's not even the fact that I'm missing my Minnesotan friends and family, but more that I only found part of what I was looking for out here. I'm ready to get the other half.

Like it's her birthday

Almost less than 6 weeks until I leave Medora. I must say I have mixed feelings about it. A bit reluctant to say it, I have created a temporary home here. I think I will be sad to leave the people and the aura that surrounds this place. Still, I don't think that I have gotten a full grasp on Medora let alone North Dakota; leaving the feeling of hitting a wall. There's definitely something about it that I cannot put my finger on. Maybe it's the people. That would be my best guess thus far. I have a few close friends that keep me sane and grounded by acting quite the opposite. Without them, my internship would be a dud. What is it about Medora? Us. The people who keep it going everyday. I will have to compare the answer I have now with that of week 13. I feel I may be onto something here.

July 7th, my 21st birthday, could not have come sooner. I had taken four days off to visit one of my best friends in Alexandria. I left Medora on the 6th, Alexandria bound so that I could help the family prepare for her aunt's wedding. This just happened to be on the 7th(MY BIRTHDAY). I was welcomed with open arms and put to work. The day was long not to mention adding in the 6+ hours of driving that I had earlier on. Midnight came around and I was no use to anyone so one celebratory drink, a few decoration set ups, and I was in bed. Then...boom goes the dynamite.

Packed up and getting ready at the hotel I was almost on cloud 9. Finally 21 and nothing was going to let me down, or so I thought. I was assigned the task of getting a sheet from the front desk so that the bride could wrap it around her before she got into the car. They shadily told me they didn't have any and that it would be a while before they could get me one. They also mentioned that it would be an old sheet-rude. My response was quick and thoughtless, "you can bring it to me in the bar then." As I sat down, newlyweds, by one day mind you, and the bride's brother bought me a bloody mary and beer back. The bloody mary was delicious and no problem. The beer on the other hand was trouble.

These were good people who I had no problem laughing and joking around with. I had almost finished the bloody mary and half of the beer when housekeeping brought me the sheet. Right after this the bride's brother went to get me cake. Within two minutes my friend had smoke blowing out of her ears and grabbed the sheet and went back to the room. This did not phase me. I finished the bloody mary and then came my cake. At that moment I thought, if this is the only birthday cake/delight of my day I am going to enjoy every bit of it. I then left to the room realizing I would receive some criticism although I truly did not waste but 2 minutes time to get the sheet to them. None of it mattered because I was still in the clouds.

Next was the wedding. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony and everyone looked gorgeous. After it was over I gave my congratulations and goodbyes and was off to surprise the family. When I say family, I really only mean my father. One way or another everyone else found out that I was coming home for the night and he was the only one that stayed out of the loop. Now he has seemed a bit off kilter lately so I felt that a surprise visit was a necessity. He was truly happy when I got there, I could tell that it was just what he needed for the time being. Then my mother, sisters, and I enjoyed the night at Mr Jim's Hairball concert. They were good, but there was something about the night itself that had me a bit sad. I think the best part of the night was when I met this guy who got me up closer to the band. He kept coming up to me later on in the evening. We ended up talking for quite some time. He probably made my night. No, he absolutely made my night. I certainly have no expectations of him. Knowing that he has my digits makes me feel semi-embarrassed yet wonder if I will ever see him again. It's a girl thing I guess. The key points of my night were: 1) My mother headbanging 2) The pizza my brother made when we got home 21st 3) Austin(if in fact that was his name). It was such an odd night and it still just kind of puzzles me.

I think the saddest part of the end of the night was that it in fact was ending. Maybe that's where my head was. I was realizing that no matter how much I wanted to stay with my family, I had to go back to Medora. I never got the chance to see my niece and nephews. This was probably the worst part of my trip home. I realize that it may have been a matter of an inconvenient 45 minute drive time round-trip, but 16+ hours of a round-trip is not exactly what I would call convenient for me either. Those kids are such a huge part of my life and with them being so young and me being so far away it kills me everyday that I do not get to see them like I had before I left. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but not even Kelly Clarkson could get me out of this funk.

Saying goodbye to my father again was tough, but needed to be done. When I got back to Medora, I got exactly what I needed. A great meal and my bestie Sydney. She took me out and it was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things.

I feel like I have been changing so much. It's hard to keep track of these days. I'm not sure if it's all for the best but I do have the best of intentions.

Now it's not like the men out here are made of gold, but there are a few gems. However, I made a "no-men this summer" promise to myself in hopes of keeping my head on straight. Life has definitely been less stressful but in some ways I feel like my self-promise will backfire. Then the stress, in turn, will catch up to me.

I shall wait and see...

Ooooh Medora

I am now in Medora, North Dakota. It's only been a couple weeks now, but it seems like months. At first it was a complete shock when I arrived. I just don't think I had mentally prepared myself for leaving home so soon. The 7 hour drive here gave me time to process and think realistically about what I was getting myself into.

When I had checked in, I didn't realize that Mountain time is one hour before Central time. Needless to say, I figured this out pretty quick and went to take a nap in my car. I then got settled in and met my roommate. Typically rooming with someone else has turned into a mess for me, but I think I have grown up since then and have learned to just be honest and take a breather when things get tough.

It took me a while to settle in with the people and the town. It happened, but at a slower pace than what I would have thought. I have met so many new people so far, some of them I feel will be life-long friends. This made me feel better about being here. Just feeling that I was somehow grounded made me gather a sense of home.

-Just what I needed.

"And that's why I smile. It's been a while."

With what seems like everything going wrong lately, imagine my surprise when finally get it right.

I received an internship offer from Medora, North Dakota! I just have to fill out the paperwork and I'm set. It's looking up now. Plus I have my surprise for myself coming up soon. Which if I must be honest, I feel a bit guilty about with everything that has been going on as of late. It's life I guess, and it would be irrational of me to stop living it. I am extremely excited about this surprise...and nervous. Don't worry, I will not keep you in the dark for too much longer.

Okay, so back to this internship. It all panned out like this: I had originally applied for one internship in Medora last month after attending an awesome event for my 460 class, of which employees from Medora were guest speakers for. I then applied for one in St Cloud, MN at the Travel Center on highway 15. In case I didn't hear from Medora I would at least have a backup. Hopefully. I did received an offer from the Travel Center but I had my heart set on North Dakota. I then called Medora and everything fell into place. I'm nervous, but ecstatic about living and working there this summer. I've heard only great things about it.

My family is a little less enthusiastic. They are happy for me, but bummed that I will be gone for almost the whole summer. I would miss my brother's graduation, niece's birthday, cousin's graduation, and the family reunion. I assure them I will be back for at least one weekend....my birthday weekend! I will be 21 on July 7th. I will be renting a bus and hitting the town with family and friends. I cannot wait!

Plus I will be able to see my googly-eyed godson Gage. He has a way of putting a smile on my face~and I  finally put one on his!

You Are My Sunshine

Wednesday(4/18/12) afternoon a little light went dim in my world as an angel found her way back home.  Now at peace, Grandma, know you are loved and will always be a part of my life.

This past week has flown by yet it almost seems as though I've been standing in place. Monday evening I received a phone call from my sister. She informed me that my Grandmother was in the hospital ICU and that if we were to say our goodbyes, it would have to be that night. She had an aortic tear and they didn't think she would make it through the night. My family rushed to the hospital; all of us containing an almost surreal feeling. "Was this really happening?"

Once I saw her for the first time I, oddly enough, held my composure. She didn't know that she was dying at that time. Everyone who had one in had come out crying and I did not want her to feel anymore afraid than she probably already was.

She is one tough broad, having been in and out of the hospital quite a few times each with a diagnoses that could have very well ended her life then. It kept running through my head that maybe she would make it, yet I knew that it was just my heart telling me that I wasn't ready for her to leave.

She made it through Tuesday night yet her coherency was slipping. I slept at the hospital that night just waiting. I awoke Wednesday morning to my Godmother on the phone with someone telling them that she was declining faster and would not make it much longer. Then I knew. She would be leaving me today.

Once she was blessed most of her children plus a few other family members were in the room and praying the rosary. My father had just arrived and was doing so as well. I was sitting in the lobby when my aunt came to me and said, " anyone who wants to be with Grandma needs to come now." I frantically made my way down the hallway to the room. I've never broke down so fast in my life. Looking back now I see it all happening as if it were in slow motion.

Once I entered the room I saw that my father was not there. I asked a couple people where he was and finally my Godmother went to find him. He had to be there. There was no other option. I went up to Grandma and blessed her with oil. As my fingers touched her forehead she took a deep gasp. My last words to her were, "Now Grandma, remember that song you used to sing to us when we wanted to go home? Well now it's time for you to go home." As I was done and backed away my father rushed into the room and up to her bedside. I will never forget it. The last words that she heard in this lifetime were, "It's okay Ma, I'm here."

She held on until my father was there. Then she was gone. My father lost his mother and my youngest brother his best friend.

Having been there in the room was one of the hardest things I ever done in my life. Yet there is nowhere else I could see myself being. It is odd to think back at the Saturday before she went into the hospital, she was doing just fine; great in fact. I guess due to it being so sudden there are two ways to think about it. One, it was so sudden that no one saw it coming.  Two, she wasn't in pain. I mean she was for maybe a couple days, but they kept her as comfortable as possible at the hospital and her passing was rather peaceful. She was so strong through it all.

One of my brothers really hit it on the nail. We were crying and grieving and he said to my father, "Dad, why are you crying?"

My father in response said, "Well Ty, I'm sad."

He then tells my dad, "But dad, how can you be sad about something so beautiful that we had for so many years?"

He left my dad somewhat speechless. It reminds me that I just need to appreciate the time I had with her and remember all that she taught me. I think back to the times when she would sing "You Are My Sunshine," to me. Also, when us kids would be sitting by the windowsill whining to Grandma that we wanted to go home, which just happened to be right across the street. Without missing a beat Grandma would sound like a broken record and sing, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, oh lord I wanna go home," every time we would ask. It went on for a while every time. That jingle is part of the song Detroit City by Bobby Bare.

My brother and I put together her wake slideshow. It was a bit tough. It's easier now that we have the wake and funeral over and done with. Her funeral service was beautiful. Her children, including my father, released doves during it. Looking back it seems like almost a dream. I think of the memories I have with her, and just as she is now, they help me be at peace.

You are a part of me,
Forever and Always,
<3 Amanda Lorraine Wiltgen